Don’t ever double talk to a schizo mind

You can never understand why or what makes things so hard for me. You can’t hear the voices or be as scared of something popping up beside you when you know for a fact that nothing Is there. Don’t ever tell someone who can only be sane with the help of medicine because you can never see what’s in tbeir mind. You will never face the troubles i face not only daily but with every second of the day. You can never say let it go. with our being laughed at. Its such a quick fix sounding cure. But it’s the stupidest response to any situation. Have you ever been able to do it. So with medicine i don’t commit suicide. And i feel like I’m in control. Its hell to know what your mind can conjor up. How much pain it causes and the strength It takes to maintain the sanity of your life. Its something that you need to be grateful for. I wish I could only have depression too deal with but there’s so much more than I can handle. Schizophrenia is in itself they hardest thing to take and it can never be explained to anyone who doesn’t suffer from it. You can read about it or watch it but it’s from a place in the brain that can never be explained or understood without suffering from it. Never forget that sometimes there’s no reason for it to show up but it will argue and make any conversation confused with no understanding of the moment. It may have the situation wrong without knowing it. But words hurt and condescending tone or a tone of sadness that is as phony as obvious fake tones are not apprieciated and just cause anger. People who insinuate things while talking. Are just double talking and that’s one of the worst things someone can do too me. I can tell exactly what they are trying to say. And don’t like it. I too get angered by things but when I get upset it becomes a mental health issue and I get treated like I have no right to feel like it. They think I should just listen and feel less of a person who has no feelings or if I speak up I’m sick and need a med adjustment because of mental illness I’ve got to take bullshit and just live with it.I have no right to feel angry because it’s all my fault and I don’t want to be involved with anything just take their double talking putting me down and live with it like a good little boy that doesn’t have any feelings about family or parents. Do you think I want to see mom and dad with everything I’ve been going thru the last couple of months they’ve seen it before and right now they don’t need to have more too worry about. Their concerned right now. but it would scare them a lot more to hear what I might say or do. Its tearing me up also right now but it’s better I don’t see them because I can’t fake it anymore. I’m not sorry for my reality anymore this is me this is what I deal with everyday

Herbert j Regan Jr

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