Just a family talk about what it’s like to be different

But it’s still shameful feeling because of the way they treat me like not only am I stupid but like I’m dangerous. And I’m not but I am still ashamed especially around family and friends that I decide to not to get closer to them. Because of it. I’ve got a lot of people I know but as far as good friends there’s no one.I’m not an excitible person I’m very quiet and around people. They like someone who laughs and is capable of having a fun time.But I get that way for a short moment and then I’m reserved again quite and no energy. Or having a great time. I say things that aren’t fun and people don’t hear any excitement in my voice and without any power behind it its like I’m just someone there. But not someone who is a fun person. But if they want someone who is serious then they come around. But I’m alone almost always but most times that how I want it. But I don’t have anyone to do things with. There’s. no one ever comes just too spend time. Its always a serious problem when they come and always wanting something.I hate that but if i can help them I do knowing that as soon as I help them they’ll leave and not come back until they need something else. But I don’t have a personality that people want too be around for very long. Or often but it’s me and ive dealt with it forever it seems like but I’ve not really had best friends and its not always easy too deal with going out someplace. I get there an the excitement is short lived. I don’t have the stamina to keep it up I get tired and weak and my mind doesn’t think about the things going on.But it goes into other thoughts that aren’t necessarily clear or concentrating on things that are happening around me. I just wonder in a haze because there’s no connection with things it just keeps going from one thing to another. I never fully know what I need to say or what anyone is talking about .But I do get bits and pieces yet I never fully know even who’s all there.Its because things get blocked out when my thoughts wonder off. I can’t read along if someone is reading something and I’m supposed to be reading along but my eyes keep bouncing around and I never know where they are. But it’s my life and right now I’m tired of it. But not feeling like ending it. But im just in a bad spot and can’t figure out how to change things. But things always get better in time.It’s already been a long time slowly getting worse but I’m going to hang in praying something changes.
Herbert j Regan Jr