Just a bit of life’s understanding of me

The visions are scary people around here with all this bug stuff make the visions of bugs everywhere. But there aren’t any a few spiders and thats it. But I see them and they appear in all shapes I don’t know what kind most are. I see them moving around at night on people on tv. But their not there. I’m getting worried about how I feel and why I am Sleeping so much I’ve got so many things too do but nothing gets done. But they keep bitching about getting off more Psych meds. But there’s to much depression already but life doesn’t really see what is happening and don’t know what to do about it. I see my therapist on Monday and Thursday this week But she’s nice I like to make her laugh but like she says i can make people laugh by the words I use and the tone and attitudes when I’m talking I don’t make normal jokes it’s more like a banter type thing. But people dont realize I’m joking and think I need them to explain something. Because most people don’t understand it. . But she’s really nice an interacts a lot. But every other Monday we have a group therapy. And every other Thursday I have a therapy session with her it’s good but I see Dr mattas assistant once a month she hates life because they play games with people who are mentally ill. They don’t give you therapy unless you keep being a nuisance to them.and they keep asking me too see their psych Dr. I did for 6 months an realized that he makes you done after 5 minutes and does what life tells them to. At Dr mattas we talk and she orders my meds and tries to make life do things but it’s hard because they don’t want to help people that know whats going on. I used to just let Drs. Do what ever they wanted about treatment and meds I don’t ask for them anymore. but sometimes I fight to keep them it’s more important for me now to not become a zombie or lose my ability to stand up against changes life wants. And get what I need. But if they resist I get intimidated and they know it so I start making fun of it and blaming it on The psych meds myself. or part of the illness and i drop what I needed and say their right it’s just part of the schizo stuff. And don’t get any help even though I need it. For physical problems. Im not able to stand up too them because I’m afraid of being tossed out for arguing with them.I stay awake at night thinking about what too do or how too get them too listen without making it a mental thing. They don’t listen anymore their attitudes stop me from demanding to get the help I need.

Herbert j Regan Jr