Hi made me laugh you thought you were older than you are. Wish I’d get that feeling. But your a special sister always have been. I know everyone has my best interest at heart. But you’ve always been the most important looking after me. I don’t know what it is for sure but dad treated you and me different when we were young I do think that the color of our eyes being different and we didn’t look so much as irish as Bonnie Velma and pat .I hate to say that an I’m sorry for ever thinking dad could feel that way. But I’m happy we were closer. I always feel the outcast even now with Bonnie and pat. But I know your always there an easiest for me too talk too. Bonnie and pat don’t text or call unless I call them first or ever come here it’s probably something Bonnie won’t do unless I keep asking her too but it’s mostly she knows to many people who live here and worked with a lot of them most people here have had a lot of dealings with the nursing homes around here and from the resturaunts and the polish falcons. But I wish I could be as outgoing as she is or you. You’ve had it rough but never gave up. it was brave of you to decide to get divorced. And everything that has stopped you .You kept getting better over all those years you worked hard and for not going to college or any trade schools look where your at and what you do.Its amazing to me you made yourself into someone who is intelligent and happy most time. And its not the material things I’m talking about your a good person someone who helps others and thinks about making other people’s lives better. I wish i could have at least been something that has a career or was able to look back at the place where I’ve meant something too someone else. To have a successful relationship at least. It’s hard being alone for almost my whole adult life and to not feel love from someone else that would be around for a long time. Everyone leaves because of this stupid illness that keeps coming back and Debbie dying. But I’ve tried to get involved with other people but I end up with no feelings for more then a week or two. Then realize that I don’t care about anything or anyone even though I’m trying too feel love again I’m like I was with that lithium I don’t have certain feelings again but its newer medicine that let’s me get up and do things I’m not a lump or zombie. But I just don’t have feelings that stick for anything. Im lonely and depressed and the voices are interfering with thoughts and attitudes and making me angry and hateful with the constant complaining about every little thing. I’m hating everyone an everything that goes on.
Herbert j Regan Jr

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